PASANG-AWA KAY LORD!
Ano ang kahulugan ng bilang na 75 sa buhay ng isang tao? Sa mga batang nag-aaral sa elementarya at haiskul ito ay nangangahulugan ng “pasang-awa” o nakapasa lamang dahil sa awa ng titser at sa kagustuhan niyang maialis na ito sa kanyang klase dahil sa loob ng 2 o 3 taon ay di pa rin natutong bumasa at sumulat, kasi madalas absent. Alam ko iyan sapagka’t ginawa ko sa loob ng 21 taon ng pagtuturo.
Nguni’t para sa isang may edad nang katulad ko, matapos kong makapasa sa pagiging apo, anak, kapatid, pamangkin, pinsan, kamag-aral, kaibigan, kapitbahay, kabarangay, kasama sa simbahan at komunidad, atbp., ano kayang palagay ko sa 75? Ang una kong palagay, ito ay kasama sa “Bonus Years” matapos kong lumampas ng 70. Kasama na rin dito ang paghina ng katawan at pagkakasakit ng karaniwang sakit ng matatanda tulad ng paglabo ng mata at rayuma. Nguni’t ang hindi maitatangging aminin ay ang hilig na mag-isip ng mga paghihinanakit, galit na nagsisimula sa pagbibintang, panunumbat, paninisi, paghatol o pangamba, pagkukumpara ng sarili sa iba, at kakulangan ng pagpapasensya. Naranasan na ba ninyong mataguriang “Ina ng Laging Galit” o kaya ay “5 Star General” ? Tama kaya ang naiisip ko na ang ugat na lahat ng ito ay pagkainip dahil wala nang magawa ang matatanda upang makasabay sa buhay ng mga nakababata? Dati ako ang pumupuna. Ngayon ako ang pinupuna. Para akong may 4 na biyenan. Kaya tinuruan nila ako na gumamit ng cellphone, computer at tablet. Hindi ko na masasabing wala akong gawain sa aking katandaan lalo na’t hindi mapaalis ng Angry Birds ang mga baboy sa kulungan. Naiinis lang ako at naiinip.
Hindi ko naisama na nakapasa ako sa pinangarap na buhay may-asawa kahi’t na kinulang kami ng 3 buwan sa aming ika-50 taong anibersaryo. Nakapasa kami ni Susing sa aming magkatuwang na pangarap na makatapos ng pag-aaral ang aming mga anak. Silang lahat ay may kani-kanyang hanapbuhay. Ang panganay si Antonina o Nina ay nagkaasawa, si Vicente Ayco at nagkaroon ng 2 anak, si Pamela Grace o Pam at si Patrick Johann o Hans. Ang pangalawa, si Arceli o Nenette ay nakatira sa America at umuwi para makiselebreyt. Ang pangatlo si Amelia o Lea ay naiwang kasama kong namumuhay at nag-aalaga sa akin. Alam niya kung paano ako patatawanin kapag kami ay nag-away. Ang bunso na si Angelita o Sr. Lita, ay 10 taon nang perpetually professed na madre ng Franciscan Missionaries of Mary (FMM). Kasama rin po niya ngayon ang ilan pang mga FMM nuns na naging kaibigan na rin ng aming pamilya. (Sa tutoo lang, ang aking apat na anak ang nagplano at nagsagawa ng pagdiriwang na ito sa hangarin nila na, katulad ng ginawa nila sa kanilang ama noong ika-70 kaarawan niya, ako ay mapasaya pagkatapos makapasa sa lahat ng aming pinagdaanan bilang isang pamilya.
Bukod sa aking pamilya, may mga kasama rin tayo na mga kapatid ko at kanilang mga kaanak. Narito rin ang mga kapatid ng aking yumaong asawa at kanilang mga kapamilya. Kasama rin natin ang ilan pa sa mga taong naging mahalagang bahagi ng aking buhay, kabilang dito ang aking mga kababata; mga kaeskwela; mga naging kasama sa trabaho; mga naging kasama sa simbahan; mga kapitbahay; at mga kaibigan namin ng asawa ko at ng mga anak namin.
Sa inyo pong lahat na narito ngayon, nadama ko ang walang kapantay na pagmamahal ng Diyos na hindi ko kayang isipin kahi’t kailan pa man sa aking katandaan.
Kaya’t sa halip na mag-isip pa nang malalim, magrerelaks na lang ako at tatanggapin ang pagmamahal ng Diyos na ipinadama sa akin at nawa’y magkasama-sama tayong lahat sa Kanyang piling magpakailanman.
Hayaan n’yo pong tapusin ko ang ito sa pamamagitan ng isang maikling panalangin: Hinihiling ko sa Iyo, aming Amang Diyos, na manatili Kang lagi sa puso ng bawa’t isa sa amin at huwag kaming makalimot na sa bawa’t sandali, Ikaw ay lagi naming purihin at pasalamatan. Amen.
MARAMING-MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

Sa aking buhay, nagkatotoo ang pang-akit ng musika. “Music Hath Charms” ang tanging naisulat ko bilang contributor sa aming school paper na “The Republic” noong nag-aaral pa ako sa MH Del Pilar High School (Malolos, Bulacan).  Narito ang ilan sa mga paborito ko:

1.    Unspoken (Sammy Davis Jr.) – ang kantang uso noong late 50s na pareho naming gusto ng asawa kong si Susing+. 

2.    Smile  (Nat King Cole) – gusto ko ito para maiwasan kong sumimangot.

3.    My Special Angel (Bobby Vinton, 1963) – meron akong manliligaw noon na isasayaw lang ako kung ito ang tugtog.

4.    Where The Blue of The Night (Meets the Gold of the Day) (Bing Crosby) – gusto ko ito dahil “...someone waits for me.”

5.    Somewhere My Love (Connie Francis, 1966) – gusto ko ‘yung singer

6.    Love Letters In The Sand (Pat Boone) – crush ko ‘yung singer

7.    Love And Marriage (Frank Sinatra) – I love marriage. Bata pa ako pangarap ko na ang pag-aasawa.

8.    I Loved You All The Way (Janie Frickie) – ’Yung sense ng song bagay sa pamilya especially kung paano ang ginagawa namin kung malapit nang maubos ang pera.

9.    Merry Widow Waltz – obvious ba?

10. Que Sera Sera (Doris Day) – ito ang aking sinasabi para hindi ako mag-intindi kung ano ang mangyayari sa buhay ko sa darating na panahon.

11. I Need To Be Still (BJ Thomas) – biglang tinamaan ako nang marinig ko na kailangan ko palang mag-relax.

12. Born Free (Andy Williams) – bukod sa favorite song ito ni Susing+, matapos madama ang pagmamahal ng Diyos, nadama ko ang kalayaan.

God Will Make a Way

I wanted so much for February 18, 2012 t come the soonest when our high school valedictorian called up on the last week of January to announce that our Class '52 of Marcelo H. del Pilar High School,in Malolos,Bulacan, will have a reunion on that said date. That will be our 60th anniversary. Sad to say, she, Carmelita Rivera Espino , our valeditorian and one of the organizers of our reunion called up last Monday, February 13 to say that due to the requests of some of our co-alumni who are living abroad, the organizers postponed our reunion to the later part of April of this same year. I was frustrated because I wanted so much to attend .on this day.

My frustration turned to joy when an invitation for the oath-taking of our newly-elected officers of our community here at Leticia Townhomes was given to us yesterday. Today, our hearts were filled with happiness, when we felt that after 7 years of non-commitment for the welfare of our community,we had an election and oath-taking of our officers before the Barangay Chairman.Truly we believe that God will make a way for the good of everyone, so we praise Him and thank Him for everything.

New Years?

What is new about the year? What will distinguish it from the years that have passed?We grew up making resolutions to show our teachers so that we can get a high mark when it is in accordance with their expectations.Is this also our motivation when we have our bosses, our sweethearts,our friends [even our enemies] our life partners and in-laws,church leaders, etc.

How do we go about making our resolutions? Must they always be made on the first day of the year? Or do we always make them throughout the year every time we make mistakes? And in the process it is always our decision to add, subtract, multiply or divide. And at the end of the year, no one else but ourselves can declare us as winners.

BAHALA NA

Yesterday we celebrated the feast of Christ the King during the mass. After so many years of celebrating that feast every year, for the first time I felt that Jesus Christ is now really the King of my life . Even right at this moment I can still feel the joy of the discovery that I can sincerely pray with my heart and soul "Thy kingdom come!" I can say to Christ without any reservation, "Thy will be done!" And I will never be ashamed again to say to Him "Bahala Ka na!"

Survivors...All

Are you aware that you are a survivor in this life? Aren't you? Me, too. This idea came to me just a few days ago when I was mulling on how my life would be in the coming years. I have already passed one year of widowhood. Wow! I survived! Is there a foolproof formula for survival? Yes? No? Maybe?

After going back to the basics of arithmetic it dawned on me that to survive we have to add, subtract, multiply and divide our education, experiences, ambitions, expectations, aspirations, affirmations, denials, forgiveness, goodwill, love, hope, joys,worship and everything that make us human and at the same time children of God , our creator.

Life's Ads

While watching TV, I became aware that it’s like using adulterated ingredients in cooking. One can never watch a whole story or newscast or any program without interruptions of not less than five between segments. But those interruptions called "ads" are really very necessary because they pay for air time so that TV programs can reach our homes.

By the way, when and where did ads begin? If we will reckon it, is there an earlier time and more specific place than in the garden of Eden? Why did Adam and Eve listen to and heed the ads of the serpent? Did they want an alternative lifestyle to the unparalleled bliss of Paradise?

Did the ads stop there? Or are they still in the here and now?

At this time in my life when I am living my bonus years (many are supposed to be dead before 70, as some ads say) I have the luxury of recalling and gladly enumerating the ads that have shaped my life from birth to my present age of 74 by April 18 (I am one day older than former President Joseph "Erap" Estrada).

Surely, the first ads in our lives came from our mothers or mother-figures because as the saying goes, “Mother knows best!”

As we grow older, we become aware of other ads coming from those around us to name a few: kins, neighbors, classmates, teachers and other school personnel, priests, nuns, pastors, ministers, bishops, popes and other church authorities and even saints; professionals (so many of them to enumerate); artists; entertainers; media; internet etc.

Of course we do not “buy” all that the ads say all the time. Sometimes we do, but later on we don't anymore. Matured children especially those who have finished their education will not believe anymore that parents know best more so when they cannot understand and operate cellphones, computers, i-pod, and other advances in technology.

Recalling ads in the early years of our lives will be boring because almost all of us have the same stories to tell ad infinitum...

But it is a different story when you are in your bonus years. We have to answer the question, “Whose ads are you paying attention to, now?” The answer depends on who is the current VIP in your life. Who is He? How did you come to know Him? When? Where? How? Why?

The first question I prefer to answer is “How?" His charm came to me through music when my heart became aware that “All Over the World the Spirit is Moving.” I always craved for the noon break in our government office when after lunch we could go to our auditorium to listen to some pastors, ministers, priests and other preachers who cared to proclaim the Good News.

To this moment I can still feel the joy in my heart whenever I sing any of them in different situations I am in. Can one guess what a person in her bonus years feel when she hears “Come, Holy Spirit I Need You", "Yahweh, I Know You Are Near", "Till the End of My Days, O Lord", "Create in Me a Clean Heart", "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace", "I Will Give Thanks to Thee", "I’m Free", "God is So Good." There are still so many worship songs, which I personally call "song-ads" in my soul to last me a lifetime in the here and now and till eternity. Do you have song-ads, too?

Besides song-ads we can also find ads to live by in books, newspaper columns, magazines, cellphones, computers and anything readable. We also can hear ads in homilies and preachings over the radio, TV, etc.

Today, I find it very consoling to affirm positively Jesus Ads found in the Gospels, most especially those beginning with “Come…” and “Ask…”

I also love St. Paul’s message to the Romans 8:28: “We know that in all things God works for good...”

In the Old Testament, Malachi 3;10 says "Bring the full amount of your tithes to the Temple…Put me to the test...” Our family can assure you that God’s promise is true in all circumstances of our life.

My personal favorite in Proverbs 16:31: "Long life is the reward of the righteous; gray hair is a glorious crown.”

Stanzas from poems also provided ads in my life. Examples follow:

“It is’nt the thing you do, dear
It’s the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you a bit of sadness
At the setting of the sun."

( I don’t wonder anymore why I was once a workaholic. Are you, now? So what!)_

“Lie is real, life is endless,
And the grave is not it’s goal;
Dust thou art to dust returneth,
Was not spoken of the soul."

These two stanzas are foremost in my heart although I can’t remember their authors anymore. Other poems come into memory in different occasions.

What else does a woman who has lost her husband of almost 50 years (December 24, 1960) do after his death? Listening to his favorite songs, “Born Free” and “Unspoken” and recalling favorite poems, reading books, magazines and everything readable did not suffice. At night after evening prayers, Lea, my "Isnak"("isang anak" or "only child", the only one of our 4 daughters who stays with me) and myself watch soap operas until 11 p.m. Sometimes, I try quarreling with her whenever she says that she won’t leave me alone because I might elope with her Pops (father). What else can one in my situation do after doing the household chores? I never go to chat with neighbors which most often result in gossip. So Lea asked me to write anything I want. And being the obedient mother that I am now, I have to give up the fear of old age because we have accepted our society’s ads that old people are useless due to physical deterioration. Must it follow then that our minds will also deteriorate with age? What can we tell about Socrates, the Greek philosopher who learned to play musical instruments when he was 80; Michaelangelo was painting his greatest canvasses at 80; Alfred Tennyson wrote a magnificent poem, "Crossing the Bar” at 83; Isaac Newton was hard at work close to 85.

Following are some quotations that I live by:

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).

"You are as young as you think you are. You are as strong as you think you are. You are as useful as you think you are."

"You grow old when you cease to dream, and when you lose interest in life."

August 27,2009 * 2:00 a.m.

I am very happy feeling God’s love now that I don’t worry anymore. I have decided to let God do the worrying. But I guess He does not worry either. He just does His will whenever we pray “Thy will be done.” Isn’t it funny that we fret and blame others for every media hype? We immediately want laws to be passed to compel others to obey so that everything will be all right. Aren’t we just being pharisaical? Jesus did not like the Pharisees because they made too many rules. Jesus just wants us to trust God and to live by what He says. Will you still worry when you obey what He said “Fear not! Do not be afraid. I am with you till the end of time.”

“Love one another as I have loved you.” Thank You, Lord! Alleluia!